Dear Life

Dear Life,
I'm writing to you because I find you very mysterious. I've been trying to get to know you but I realised, the more I tried the more I failed to comprehend. Hence, I have decided to stop. Amazingly, when I did and also stopped analysing every detail you surprise me. Things just happened to work better. Nonetheless, sometimes you throw me challenges and inevitable sadness, occasional loneliness and at times disappointments. Although I must admit I hate it when the fate of my future is determined by circumstances in which I was simply left without a choice, I also believe that every cloud has a silver lining. There were times I saw nothing but utter darkness, life ahead that seemed so bleak but I remember a promise you once made, that things always get better.
Hey, life. Yesterday I was disheartened, I was anxious about my future and I was afraid I might be setting my feet into a trap. It sounded like an offer but everyone knows the truth, it's just another trap. However, in my position I couldn't say NO. I need a place to stay because I'm far away from home. At the same time, I am terrified because I fear that I may fail to take care of so many kids. I don't have the energy nor the patience to be there for that many students. I will feel socially deprived. I will feel homesick and not to mention the lack of sleep I'll face when I spend my nights at the hospital bringing one student after another in the wee hours of the morning. To shut the door on their innocent, sick faces...I'll die of guilt should anything bad happen to them. Then again, he had promised me three years in this school and I can choose to leave if I want to. One year is done, two more to go. No, I don't hate this school. I like this school, the camaraderie spirit and the warm hospitality is nothing like I've experienced elsewhere before. So life, since this is what I felt as written for me I chose to be strong and persevere instead. At least I'm not in some utterly remote area where there isn't even a phone line! I also hope, with this new responsibility I'd be given an opportunity to be pardoned from my sins and gain 'pahala' for all my good deeds. I hope I'll be given a genuine heart with good intentions and lastly I hope good things will happen to me and InsyaAllah my prayers to Him will be answered and wishes granted.
One last thing life, if you do come to an end for me do know that I've learnt a lot from you and I'm forever grateful for the opportunities, happiness and also valuable lessons you have taught me. If you do come to an end for my grandma who is getting weaker by the day (this is really making me emotional), please let me be with her when she goes, please let me grant her last wish or I'll be carrying it around for the rest of my life.
Life, treat my loved ones as kind as possible because they have loved me and have unconditionally supported me since day one. I hope I have many, many, many more years of you.