This entry is seriously going to make you think I’m a bit crazy. I don’t know if I could justify myself, but I am surrounded with people who are either recently married, soon to be married and will be getting married i.e. those planning their wedding now. This will continue until the end of this year, after a month or so will be Shaela’s and here we go again…after a few months rest, Faridah’s wedding, Aira’s wedding, Adibah’s engagement and later Sabariah’s engagement. Perhaps end of next year will be her wedding. That’s how many new outfits I’ve got to get tailored and that’s the number of times I have to answer to this question, “Aida bila lagi?” Huhuhu, “ESOK!!!” Hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!
If you know me well enough you’d know what an integral part I play in almost all my cousin’s weddings ever since Kak Ija’s to the most recent, my cousin Kak Raihan, which was 2 years ago (…kot). I’m not really involved in my brother’s wedding because planning on guy’s side is less intricate, less fun! Haha. Everything is just order here, order there, book this and that and DONE! No decorating, no getting dolled up and excited. HAHA. Forgive me, I’m a girlie girl, especially about weddings. When it comes to wedding I like going the traditional route. Maybe not traditional all the way but I’d like to retain the important essence.
The beginning has to start with ‘merisik’. During the olden days, couples don’t know each other. It’s the ‘merisik’ that introduces the girl to her prospective husband’s family – not the husband! HAHA. It’s got nothing to do with the couple per se as back then adults decide and children always obey to what the adults decide. The best the girl would probably get is a picture of her husband-to-be. Often times, if she thinks he’s okay, and gives the nod, families will proceed to the ‘meminang’ ceremony. Back then, ‘merisik’ was just as simple as having a simple tea party but now people like to ‘dress it up’ and make it grand. I think it’s too early to go grand. For me, I’ll just make it as simple as possible. As you know, anything could happen – so, hush hush now…
Next comes the ‘meminang’ ceremony. This ceremony is basically to officially book the prospective wife. Commonly both sides will exchange gifts meant for the bride and groom. 5-7 or 7-9 are the usual number of trays, but it’s really up to the families to decide. The girl’s side always give 2 more than the number of trays brought by the man’s side. Perhaps it’s a sign of gratitude for the man’s side for coming to their residence. Usually the gifts will consist of sweet delicacies and definitely the engagement ring plus sirih junjung or tepak sirih. The sirih is a symbol of courtesy to begin the ceremony. It is definitely a must. The purpose of this ceremony is actually to discuss tentatively when the wedding will be held and how much is the ‘belanja hantaran’ or ‘wang hantaran’ from the bride’s side to the groom’s. Nowadays, usually this is discussed later between the bride-to-be and groom-to-be after which they have discussed with their parents. I think it’s crazy that people put such ridiculous amounts as if they are selling their daughters. One should really consider the guy’s financial status, his career and responsibilities. It should be what he could afford to give to his future wife, but guys come on, you’ve got to be fair to her. You don’t want to put the digits too low, you ought to know what she deserves. The best way, get to know from friends what the current range is and discuss with your other half what is the reasonable amount. Communicate and don’t let this becomes a problem that put your heads out of the real perspective. Marriage is about following the sunnah and getting Allah’s grace for such noble intentions. NOT TO SHOW OFF. During the ceremony, the soon to be mother-in-law will put on the ring on her future daughter in law’s ring finger and often times the husband-to-be does not play any role in this ceremony. However now, people like to do it a bit differently as the guy would also be present to not only perhaps show the direction to the girl’s house, but also put on matching outfits and snap photographs. Personally, I’d like my future husband to be present, just to celebrate the event and bring me a bouquet of fresh lilies but he doesn’t have to tailor a baju melayu that matches with my outfit for this event. He could just put on something decent and let me take all the glamour and limelight. Hehehehe….
The solemnization is the most essential part in a Muslim wedding. It marks the beginning of the couple becoming husband and wife. The bride’s wali, namely her father would usually give her away. However, many people also get the ‘juru nikah’ to represent him. Other than her father, her brothers, grandfather, uncle from father’s side and lastly uncle’s from mother’ side could also do the deed if the one on the above rank is no longer alive or could not be there. The solemnization is the most emotional, especially for the bride’s side. You’ll see tearful moments, long hugs and true and most genuine tears of joy. Well, unless the couple were forced to be married, I have yet to see a sad solemnization ceremony. The ijab and qabul is recited and the husband will also read aloud his responsibilities to his wife. In a nutshell, a husband must care for his wife and not leave her, he must provide and protect her, never hurt her both physically and emotionally and not take the ‘talak’ easily especially when in rage or unstable emotions. Since this is an entry filled with merriment, let’s not discuss ‘talak’ any further. Before I forget on this day also both sides will exchange gifts like the one in the ‘meminang’ ceremony, but usually the number of trays are more and the gifts are things or materials that the other half could use, i.e. perfumes, clothes, make up, shoes, handbag etc. Also included are the sirih, the wedding RING and ‘belanja hantaran’ or ‘wang hantaran’.
Next will be the reception. Some people do it in the afternoon and some like dinner. There are really many ways to go about with this ceremony. We always start with the bride’s side, and it could be anytime following the nikah. Usually the most awaited event is the ‘bersanding’ ceremony where the newly weds also known as ‘raja sehari’ sit on the bridal dais and family members from both sides of the family will celebrate the couple by putting ‘bunga rampai’ on their palms and sprinkling some ‘air bunga’ to show their blessings and well wishes to the couple. This act is called ‘merenjis’. The couple will then ‘salam’ with them as a sign of respect and gratitude besides seeking their blessings for this marriage. Wah, I’m sounding like an expert! Huhu, I may have missed a few details, but this is the simplest way to describe I suppose. Now we’ve mixed western culture a bit with the cake-cutting ceremony, and there are some other who refuse to do the ‘merenjis’ ceremony because it is unIslamic. However, whatever makes you happy and whatever the elders in your family decide, just abide to avoid conflicts…It’s unbelievable what kind of conflicts could arise due to weddings. After the bride’s side, comes the groom’s side. Usually simpler but this is really up to their personal choice and preference.
As you can obviously see, wedding takes a lot of work. The wedding dresses, ‘hantaran’, bridal dais, what packages to choose, PHOTOGRAPHER, decoration and the list goes on and on. Not to mention the uniqueness of different states and how they go about with the ceremonies. What I’ve written may not be exactly the same in all Malay weddings you see but this is as much as I know. How did Maryam pull her sudden I’m getting married wedding? WOW!!! She’s getting a baby soon, yeay her!. Oh. My God let me check the word count: 1377!!! Aida is insane!!!
Here are some pictures I found from random google searches
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