Study leave

I am going for an interview for CBBPTB on Tuesday, 10th Sept. Nervous, anxious, clueless, teeny bit excited - all rolled up into one! When I applied for this, I really wasn't expecting anything. Given the little experience I have in the field, I reckon my application will fail even at the first stage. A course-mate text me sometime after Raya (punyelah aku tak kisah nak semak). With very little hope and anticipation I checked and Alhamdulillah, permohonan anda diluluskan & anda diminta hadir ke sesi temuduga pada so and so...that's the scary part. Now, it's prepping time...and I have not done anything yet. Study! Study! Study!

Scored with flying colours!!!

I did it! Ended my first semester in June. That was one hell of a ride and I have 3 more to go. Meanwhile, also actively trying to conceive. I have started another blog that records my journey to conceive. Oh, well...God's got to test you one way or another right! So, this will be more about my work and studies. I am now teaching in the morning session. Alhamdulillah, that settles the classes problems. I have registered for Part 2 or second semester of the course and looking forward to class which will start on 20th Sept. My first semester results? The title says it all! Yeay!!! Alhamdulillah...that's more like it! The result was announce in August and that set the mood for Hari Raya. In all honestly, 3.78 CGPA was beyond my expectation. However, with that comes the pressure of maintaining my results. Takooottt!!! On a more cheerful note, my application for CBBP TB is successful and interview session is on Tues, 10 Sept! That's another TAKOOOTTT!!!

miss u

Suddenly I get this fear of losing this blog. I spent so many years writing here and I would be shattered to lose such important piece of anecdotes of the stories of my life. Dated back from my single days, to falling in love and then now to being blissfully married and patiently waiting to become pregnant. I just lost my email. The one I've had for as long as I could remember - well, that's exaggerating! I've had it since form 3...I'm just saddened by the fact that I can't retrieve that email and I can't access it. Part of the reason has to be my negligence too. (Don't wanna talk about it). I remember this ustaz said that when things come to an end it means your rezeki to have it was only up to the point when it could still be used. Once it no longer can be used, it has passed its due. So, what can I do? Create a new one. But this blog? NO!!!!!!!

The Pre-Postgrad post

Hehe...the title is so 'gedik'. I am encouraging myself to be excited about this! Today, I checked the education faculty post-grad blogspot for class schedule and Alhamdulillah it was already up. Since I have the day off from school, I did the online registration today and went to school to settle the part time studying application form to be submitted to PPD which will then be forwarded to JPN. With the letter from JPN I will be entitled to 30 days of unrecorded leave a year should there be any classes or exams that fall on school days. Hopefully the approval will follow through without any hiccup. I am also very excited to share my class schedule here:

The dates of my classes and the group. It's ED770 by the way :-)

The class timetable - just look at the crazy time!

As you can probably see (or maybe NOT, because the font is too small) I will be doing 3 courses this year and they are: 1. Education & Human Development 2. Literature in ESL (an elective course) and 3. Research Methodology. Number 3 scares me the most as I could recall how clueless I was when I did this subject during my degree days. Number 1 & 2 should be okay, In Shaa Allah. Just looking at the time I will spend for every class during this semester makes me tired. I hope I will be given the physical and mental strength to complete this within 2 years. Baby? That plan is still on board. I sure hope I can cope with the assignments while doing my job as a full time teacher. What's next? Well, there are plans but everything is a bit cluttered in this little head of mine right now so...we'll just see how it goes and slowly build my way in this career. 

Answering the question

Am I competitive? Actually not. However, with the advancement of technology and people being less private about their personal lives, living on a day-to-day basis can be quite a pressure. Looking at people's status updates who are proudly showing off their baby-bumps, new purchases and yes, baby photos...do make me feel urm...a little jealous. That's the word - jealous. Like how I wish that was me and the constant question of, "Why am I still not pregnant yet?". To worsen the situation, the society doesn't help ease my tension. In fact, they act as a catalyst to upset my emotion by asking me, "Why are not pregnant yet?" or "When are you gonna have a baby?". Their oblivion, or rather ignorance puzzles me. In actual fact, I WISH I KNEW THE ANSWER TO THOSE QUESTIONS!
Just to amuse myself in this post I will come out with the reasons they SO long for.

WHY AM I STILL NOT PREGNANT?

1. My husband and I dated for a short while before we got married so we wanna have a year or two to ourselves
2. We are both doing our part-time masters and we wanna concentrate doing one thing at a time :)
3. Our future baby hates competition - with everyone popping out babies this year, we'd like to do it when they are done having theirs. Our baby will get ALL THE ATTENTION when the right time comes :))
4. We wanna be financially ready first (cliche sgt yg ni!)
5. HMMM.....ERRMMM....out of ideas already...*sigh*

- Ideas from anyone who is reading is much welcomed.

A few days ago I was at my mum-in-law's. They have this helper who comes in daily to help with the house work. And so far, every time she sees me she seems to be more concerned about whether or not I am pregnant rather than how I am. The most recent that annoyed the hell out of me was her comment, "Oh, takde rezeki lagi....kesian...." KESIAN? What? Do I need sympathy? Am I deprived of living because I am not pregnant yet? Seriously, what the....? But she's just a helper, not any member of the family (Thank God for that) and she's not in any way significant to me so I'll let it go but that did disturb me. Even kids are asking the same question - but...they are kids. Honestly, I dunno how I am going to handle this raya if we are still not pregnant by then.

As a Muslim, I believe in rezeki and that too is determined by Allah. When? How much/many? We can only try and pray and the rest is not up to us to decide. I strongly believe in that and should we need any form of medical assistance, we don't need others to tell us this. It shall be a decision made by us and we will do it when the time comes. So, please stop. Stop asking, stop feeling sorry and stop suggesting - because we have heard it all! As TTCs, we read extensively on this issue, even more than many pregnant mothers out there. We think about ourselves and our future. You can't even begin to imagine the amount of money every TTC has to spend once they've decided to get a fertility assessment or treatment. So, if you are not one of us and you really care so much, please just remember us in your prayers. Trust me, that's the best thing you could do to help someone. (credit to google images for the picture)

An attempt to not fail

Hi! It's been a few months...So latest update is I just registered as a part time post graduate student for the course M. Ed(TESL) in UiTM Shah Alam. I don't really have a plan I would say but my main objective is to graduate with a masters and use that to leave school and get an employment as a lecturer somewhere. This is just a plan though, made by the very human me. What the Almighty has planned for me has yet to be discovered. Meanwhile, I just stroll along and try to do this although I know what hectic life I've just got myself into. Since Rafei (my husband) is also doing his MBA and we are still waiting for the miracle of life to happen, I've decided to use this time and opportunity to study. In other words, trying to distract myself from the dreadful question of "When will I be pregnant?!" Yes, I am jealous. I am jealous of all the baby-bumps, baby photos, proud mummy and daddy....some tend to be a tad leaning towards being boastful (sorry to say this but I do get this from some of you, definitely not all but surely some). So, what the heck?! Let's graduate with a Masters instead. When life gives you lemons...make lemonade. When life gives you empty womb, fill your time before it gets filled! Hahahaha. So...good luck to me and the rest of you who are doing this or will be doing this!

Very soon we'll bid farewell to 2012 and welcome the new year, 2013! If last year closing the chapter of 2011; the miracle year for me, and looking forward to 2012 was all about my wedding and being married, this year how I envision my 2013 would be a lot different...in various aspects actually. Career wise and professional development will certainly drain me physically and mentally. Pursuing my post graduate studies come March 2013 (In Shaa Allah) part time while shouldering all the responsibilities shoved unto me by the school administration. We'll just see how it goes. I am just doing this as my gut tells me to. So, care to share a handbook I can prepare myself with to embark on this journey? At the same time, we'll be more proactive (if we have the energy, as we're both doing the work & study thing together) in TTC. We hope to get pregnant in 2013, and if we're lucky we might just have the baby within the same year. Ameen... In my mind I am dreaming of a lot of things. For a start, hope I get to drive a brand new car, but I am financing my own studies, just can't imagine doing that while paying my tuition fees. Will have KIV this plan. Besides, we have to start saving for our home which will be ready in 2014 (In Shaa Allah). Money, money...we can never have enough. I am also dreaming of buying baby clothes and pushing the stroller while my little kid sits in there, hope he/she doesn't cry too much! Hehe...wishful thinking. But who knows right? That might just come true...Patience, Aida! Patience... God, I am sleepy. So, here's to 2013. May all our wishes come true and may Allah guide us through. Ameen, good night and a happy new year