HELLo world!

My oh my, haven't I been silent for a LONG time...i don't think I have any fans, I also like it better that way because this blog was only meant to channel some of my thoughts over what is happening, has happened and possibly will happen in school. So, it's already five months since we started schooling this year. This time my responsibilities include teaching both form 6 classes and 1 form 3 class. I'm also the Ketua Unit MUET - which means my job encompasses registering students for MUET, preparing them for the exam, make sure the payment is made on time, preparing the exam hall and become the invigilator for the speaking test. I went through quite a lot doing all these things, but they weren't too bad...although in the beginning I was quite anxious and pretty confused I've somewhat got the hang of it now. The only BIG problem I'm facing now is with the form 3 students - they're weak in English, lazy and has little motivation to learn. Of course not all of them but the small number still frustrates me. I've tried numerous ways and even lost my composure once. Alhamdulillah, I'm slowly seeing some changes in them. Here's the real challenge people, dealing with really weak students. It sometimes makes me feel like a failure. There were times when it felt like I've not achieved anything, but the little positive responses that I get are crucial to help me tell myself that I must not give up - EVER! I've got to go outside the confines of the syllabus, but the limitations often times kill my drive. How am I supposed to teach what is in the textbook when my students don't even know what a doctor does - not that they don't know but they just can't say it in English. Their repertoire of english vocabulary is too little sometimes I think my niece knows more words than they do! God, that's painful! It does sound like I'm complaining, but seriously it's mostly stress and frustration. Let's talk about something else then, something outside the classroom...

december - school's OUT but not for me...

These fingers have not tapped on the keyboard to share her boring thoughts to the world for A LONG TIME! Firstly, I don't think anyone's following so no pressure for me to keep updating my blog. Someday InsyaAllah I hope this blog will come in handy for my students, especially because next year I'll be teaching form 6 so it's part of the purpose to get students in touch with several different ways of learning and in this new era independent learning has become a buzz. I hope the internet connection is good enough to make this happen. I'm thinking of several ideas to kick start my lessons next year. Taylor Swift's Fifteen would be a good song for these students I suppose. Basically the song is about all the lessons learnt from one's first love. All the 'I told you so' incidents, you know what I mean. Perhaps for Malaysians, introduction to the song at the age of eighteen is not too late. As for me I experienced my own share of love and hurt at that age, hopefully it wouldn't be too far out of reach for my students as well. Apart from teaching form 6, I'll also be teaching form 3 for half a year. Only half a year because lower six students will be coming in in june, so before that I still can teach form 3 students. I've kind of gelled with these students so I didn't want to let them go when I was told I will solely be teaching F6. I then settled for half a year before another teacher takes over. Just a bit about what I'm doing now which is supposed to be P&C, huhu, I'm currently marking SPM papers. Sorry, can't reveal anything much but boy, isn't it painful! I'm just seriously appalled by the students' level of English. You go to school for 6 + 5 years + perhaps 2 years of kindergarten, and you don't know anything? Not even how to string a decent simple or compound sentence? It actually dawned upon me just how left behind these kids are. What will their future be like? Some of them were struggling and that was still fine because even though they weren't any good but they tried but quite a handful simply just gave up! How can you put your future on the line like that? I kept thinking hard and long and it really upset me as to how their English had become this poor? What were their teachers doing? As a teacher myself, I had form four students who will most likely be like those cases I've mentioned too. I tried to get them interested, but everything was just too difficult for them. I brought the level down to kindergarten but in reality SPM is nothing close to that. We need to a major revamp in school. Almost everything about the schools in this country is not conducive for learning. To top it up, English acquisition, not merely learning, is about the exposure one gets to the language. That's why it's no surprise any kid from the town can speak English but my students can't even ask for my permission to go to toilet properly. How can I get it through to their minds that English is not difficult, it's so much fun!!!

My VerY OWN timetable

Effective right after 2nd term school break, the new timetable will be used. I was very excited and really looking forward to continuing my journey in the teaching profession with something to call my own. I was given 4 classes; 1M, 2KAA, 2M and 4T. I was contemplating whether I should wear that fierce teacher persona that will usually wear off as my true self emerges. To tell you the truth I don't think I play that part really well since I'm not very good at being fierce. However, when push comes to shove I can be really serious and sometimes even nasty. I really don't want to resort to that though. Besides, how long do I have left? Approximately 3 months? Back to my preparation, I simply did the basics; asked for my own record book (which they said has finished and after I made my own they said they found one!), looked for the CS and Scheme of Work and browsed through them and fished for the textbooks. Surprisingly, literature texts next year will be different - about time they made some changes anyway. I took a closer look at the textbooks - somehow it seems a bit far fetched if I were to do all these with the students in this school. It is surprising how wide the gap is between urban and rural schools. In rural schools the textbook is too difficult for their standard while on the other hand it is far too easy for some of the urban schools. I sometimes wonder, what did these kids learn in primary school? Had they forgotten everything or they were simply not taught? It's the kind of question that goes through your mind but never get to answer, all the time! Anyways, the first class I entered was on Sept 1st and it was 2M. The size of the class was average, not that big, which is good. The moment I opened my mouth, they seemed awed by this foreign language that I uttered. Their blank stares told me they barely knew what I was saying and they were scared. I maintained my composure although I was slowly losing my train of thought. I braved myself to continue with my 'speech'. Actually they did understand, when they tried hard enough they knew what I was saying but of course I had to speak very slowly. I suppose after years of learning English in BM, they have become spoiled. I started off with a simple introduction and after that I asked them to tell me a little bit about themselves. It was obvious, they were very nervous. Invisible beads of sweat seemed to emerge as they slowly told me about themselves. Some of them seemed to be reading from a 'text', they were really afraid of uttering phrases in English and were extremely self-conscious. I really pitied them. I didn't mean to scare them only wanted them to try. But it was also a relief to see that they were willing to try despite their existing fear of the language. My greatest concern was only that many of them aren't very ambitious; i.e. ambitions like policeman, fireman, soldier aren't what you'd say ambitious. I don't mean to undermine these occupations, they are noble indeed but surely I'd like to see them at least thinking of being professionals someday. Perhaps being only 14, thinking about the future is a bit too far for them. My disappointment was soon relieved after I entered 2KAA. I was very happy to find out one of the students in the class likes vampires - which shows she reads something other than the typical Malay reading material. Apparently, she'd really like to read Twilight series but they were too expensive. I started to get to know them and I found out many of them have dreams to become professionals someday. At last, something refreshing and promising. They on the other hand showed effort and willingness to try. They instantly became my angels. In fact I promised to play Twilight in class if they behave and show effort to do the best in class. Nonetheless I must always remember that I must give extra attention to the weaker classes and try my best to help them. Hopefully even inspire them to dream bigger and try harder. To all my students, I wish all of you the best and I always pray for your success. XOXO-Ms Aida

Taking Over Pn Haniza’s classes

On the third day I was told that I’ll be given Pn Haniza’s classes as she was away for maternity leave. I accepted the responsibilities and was ready to start doing my job. I had like a million plans and ideas on my mind. The classes that I had to teach were 5C, 3M, 6B1 and 6B2. All exam classes, as Pn Haniza is the Head of English Language Panel. It was a lot of work and honestly I dislike picking up where other people left off. So first things first, I asked my students where they stopped and looked at all their books. I must say, they haven’t been doing much. Somehow, it’s difficult because I understand a teacher’s position as the challenge of teaching weak students is unbelievable. Teachers have to be super dedicated if they were to be that Good Samaritan, the teacher who doesn’t only teach, but motivate and inspire. On the other hand, the students sit in a comfort zone. Most refuse to try, don’t even want to put in extra effort. When I discovered that the students were failing their BM I realized that it was impossible to try to get them to learn English. My first experience reading their essays was a torture. I dread the idea of reading their work because it’s so depressing. Not that I’m complaining but I feel really helpless. What was I to do to improve the situation? I was beginning to feel that it was just too late and I might as well give up on them. Many will comment and say that teachers aren’t doing much. However, many fail to see that school isn’t just about being in the classroom. School activities and inevitable circumstances; i.e. the school’s 1 week quarantine and numerous tests put all my ideas and plans to a halt. I get so frustrated when we get caught up with the system. The system wants to test the students who are obviously unprepared for exams. They haven’t even mastered the basics and they aren’t the lot who would struggle for success. It’s again the complacent kampong attitude that really gets on my nerve – NO SENSE OF URGENCY! Times really have changed. No longer do I see poor students who persevere and go through hardships with high motivation to change their lives. Honestly, I sympathize with them, I truly am learning to empathize but it takes time to improve, let alone make change.

It didn’t really sink into my mind that I’m in a small kampung away from the city with pretty much, nothing. If I need to go to the bank, I will have to go to Temerloh, looks like even to get a loaf of bread I will need a mode of transportation to take me to the nearest little grocery shop. What’s here? Well, there’s a post office, a police station, a small grocery shop, a dead library, schools, ‘pekan sehari’ is here once a week and…lots and lots of green with tropical fruits everywhere! First 2 days here, I CRIED! I cried while unpacking my stuffs into that dusty and smelly cupboard, I cried when I talked to my grandma on the phone, I also cried before I went to sleep at night. In school, I was only doing relief for other teachers. I entered a few classes; form 3, 4, 5 and 6. I did the usual thing most new teachers would do: introduced myself and tried to get them to introduce themselves to me. Out of the four classes one particular class gave me a huge reality check. I was anxious to enter this class because it’s an all boys class. 4A is the last class also known as the academically challenged group of students. They are doing the domestic building stream and they can only do hands-on stuffs. I wanted to test their ability a little so I did this dictation activity. I said the words and they copied accordingly. Obviously, as expected there were a lot of noise especially when they did not get what I was saying or when they weren’t sure of spelling of some words. However that was not the worst part. I noticed a boy who was smaller than an average 16 year old boy. He isolated himself at the corner near the window. He was struggling through the process of writing those words I uttered and as I went closer to him I realized he wasn’t writing what I have been saying. Instead of writing a paragraph of ‘About Myself’, he was writing in point form. I could show you the sample. I hope I still keep it. He managed to write his name with his kindergarten-like handwriting and that was it. Could it be that this boy at the age of 16 and after 9 years of schooling, do not know how to read and write? That is definitely the case. The poor little boy just gaze at the window…he comes to school everyday but for what…There’s a story behind it I’m pretty sure…Oh, pity the boy. But what can I do? There is just too many who need help, and obviously left behind.

Heard of Chenor before?

Hi, all! First and foremost apologies to those of you who read this blog because I haven't been updating my blog since my practicum days in Sri Rahmat. I received my posting letter even before I started my ‘menanam anggur’ session. The moment I reached home from JB, my father checked the postbox and Wallah! Urusan Seri Paduka Baginda for Aida. The feeling was exactly like that nerve wreck you get while waiting for your SPM results once you’ve arrived in school. Can you imagine not knowing the fate of your career launch? There it was, the envelope in my father’s hands. Suddenly he said, “Jabatan Pendididkan Negeri Pahang!” Okay, Pahang it is. But where in Pahang? On 13 July 2009, at approximately 5a.m. we started this momentous journey to Temerloh. As we embarked on our journey that early in the morning, the road was empty and it only took us 15 minutes to be in KL! That’s amazing, right?! Anyways, my feeling at the time was a mixture of excitement and nervousness. Gosh, it was so scary. By 7.30 we were already in Temerloh and it took us awhile to figure out the way to Pejabat Pendidikan Daerah Temerloh. My thoughts at the time was quite good, I was beginning to imagine myself living in this small town called Temerloh. As I looked around studying the area, I managed a little smile and said to myself, “there’s a chance I might get one of the schools around here!”. Once we were there and done waiting…(they are always late!) and listened to several speeches, one after the other impatiently and completed the feedback form, the moment we’ve been waiting for arrived! We were officially given our posting almost as if we were prize winners. After all, getting a job these days is something to be proud of! It felt like I was having my pumping heart full of blood in my own hand! That’s a scary thought, a scary imagination too! Most of friends knew somebody who knew somebody who could ask around to find out the school they will be posted to. At times like these having parents who worked in the private sector seriously wasn’t helpful. Even though my sister’s father in-law knew somebody who could ‘help’ me get a good posting, but it couldn’t be helped…it’s written in the big book by The Big Guy I suppose so, oh well, I know so! SMK Tengku Ampuan Afzan Chenor. Do you know where that is?

a whole new adventure

hi, all! i haven't been writing for ages. at this point i'm just lazing around watching every single tv show, eating as much as i can and lepaking to the max. what i'm doing is enjoying every bit of comfort that i can get at home before i start a whole new life in a new place. i received my posting letter the day i arrived home from jb. my plan to stay at home and hopefully get a school nearby vanished the moment my dad opened the letter and announced that i'm to report at temerloh, pahang on july 13 2009! what do i know about where i'll be posted? nil. do i know anyone there? nil. nonetheless i can hieve a sigh of relief to know that at least 7 other coursemates will be reporting at the same place on that monday morning. all my friends from pahang got pahang and since kl is full so those from kl, s'gor will be deported to other states. in fact, my friends in kelantan also got kelantan however they are sent to remote places like gua musang and jeli. they are at least told which schools they'll be placed, unlike us. so it'll be a surprise i suppose!!! hehe...let's just hope and pray that everything will run smoothly. please pray for me!!!