Answering the question

Am I competitive? Actually not. However, with the advancement of technology and people being less private about their personal lives, living on a day-to-day basis can be quite a pressure. Looking at people's status updates who are proudly showing off their baby-bumps, new purchases and yes, baby photos...do make me feel urm...a little jealous. That's the word - jealous. Like how I wish that was me and the constant question of, "Why am I still not pregnant yet?". To worsen the situation, the society doesn't help ease my tension. In fact, they act as a catalyst to upset my emotion by asking me, "Why are not pregnant yet?" or "When are you gonna have a baby?". Their oblivion, or rather ignorance puzzles me. In actual fact, I WISH I KNEW THE ANSWER TO THOSE QUESTIONS!
Just to amuse myself in this post I will come out with the reasons they SO long for.

WHY AM I STILL NOT PREGNANT?

1. My husband and I dated for a short while before we got married so we wanna have a year or two to ourselves
2. We are both doing our part-time masters and we wanna concentrate doing one thing at a time :)
3. Our future baby hates competition - with everyone popping out babies this year, we'd like to do it when they are done having theirs. Our baby will get ALL THE ATTENTION when the right time comes :))
4. We wanna be financially ready first (cliche sgt yg ni!)
5. HMMM.....ERRMMM....out of ideas already...*sigh*

- Ideas from anyone who is reading is much welcomed.

A few days ago I was at my mum-in-law's. They have this helper who comes in daily to help with the house work. And so far, every time she sees me she seems to be more concerned about whether or not I am pregnant rather than how I am. The most recent that annoyed the hell out of me was her comment, "Oh, takde rezeki lagi....kesian...." KESIAN? What? Do I need sympathy? Am I deprived of living because I am not pregnant yet? Seriously, what the....? But she's just a helper, not any member of the family (Thank God for that) and she's not in any way significant to me so I'll let it go but that did disturb me. Even kids are asking the same question - but...they are kids. Honestly, I dunno how I am going to handle this raya if we are still not pregnant by then.

As a Muslim, I believe in rezeki and that too is determined by Allah. When? How much/many? We can only try and pray and the rest is not up to us to decide. I strongly believe in that and should we need any form of medical assistance, we don't need others to tell us this. It shall be a decision made by us and we will do it when the time comes. So, please stop. Stop asking, stop feeling sorry and stop suggesting - because we have heard it all! As TTCs, we read extensively on this issue, even more than many pregnant mothers out there. We think about ourselves and our future. You can't even begin to imagine the amount of money every TTC has to spend once they've decided to get a fertility assessment or treatment. So, if you are not one of us and you really care so much, please just remember us in your prayers. Trust me, that's the best thing you could do to help someone. (credit to google images for the picture)

%$^&%*^%##$#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How does one erase a picture of dancing roaches in one's head? Right now I have them in all shapes and sizes orchestrating a performance! DAMN!!! You may be wondering why I am talking about this. So here's the story. One fine Thursday morning, as usual I would go to the canteen during my free period for breakfast. The selection was limited, nothing new. Hence I settled for the fried beehoon and ordered a glass of hot teh tarik. I later joined my colleagues and started eating the beehoon, sipping the teh tarik after a few spoons of beehoon. While savouring the almost tasteless beehoon I felt something hard in my mouth, mixed with that beehoon I already had in my mouth. Wondering what that was I slowly took it out of my mouth. To my dismay and utter disbelief I saw what seemed to me like a cockroach egg, and that came out of my mouth. WT....tutttt....YUCK! That thing was inside my mouth. I spat out everything, the left over beehoon looked extremely disgusting to me. For a few seconds I froze before my mouth uttered a few words to my colleagues, asking for confirmation, if they thought what I thought. Everyone stopped eating. I went straight to the sink and rinsed my mouth several times. In my head I couldn't seem to erase the picture from that movie, "Joe's Apartment". EEEWWW!!!! I went to see the cashier who was the daughter of the canteen operator. I didn't mean to offend her or cause any huge problem, just meant to enlighten her about it. I mean, it's a huge deal, that thing was already in my mouth! For crying out loud, I could have swallowed it! Her response left me filled with anger. That woman, dared said it was 'rempah ratus'! I am no gourmet chef but I do know how to differentiate rempah ratus and roach's egg! The worst part was she didn't even apologise. Whatever it was, the first word she should have said was supposed to SORRY! I refused to pay for the food and seriously lost my appetite for the entire day. ARGHHH!!! I've reported this to the school canteen committee, I am exercising my right as a customer, and dear woman, I could have done worse and you may be losing this tender altogether. So don't give me that attitude! Meanwhile, I am not stepping into that canteen. Shortly after that I went home, brushed my teeth and gurgled Plax 3 times!!!

We Hate to Say - I Told You So

Girls, listen!
Stop!
Ponder, and reflect...
Who is this boy?
Who is this guy?
Who is this man?
Who's whispering you sweet nothings
Who's luring you with his charm
Whose supposed love is destroying you
Who's shouting, yelling and hurting you
Who's making you do what you didn't want to do
Who is this person?
You thought you knew
You thought you loved so much
You thought respected you
You thought would protect you

Girls, listen
Because we love you
And we hate to say - I told you so

*Triggered by a recent incident at the hostel which we feared most. Please take extra care and attention to your daughters and sisters and teach your boys a woman's worth. May they repent, for the Almighty, the All-Loving and All Knowing promises forgiveness for those who do so. Amin...

tired

who ever said that life as a teacher is easy is definitely wrong. this week i've been evaluated 3 times. the first day i was down because of the feedback i got from my lecturer. the second day i improved tremendously and i enjoyed my time with my students. it's got to be that magic of song. i was really satisfied and I could see that my lecturer is happy - she's great, keep on supporting me. today, maybe because i'm burning out already and i haven't had much rest for 3 nights in a row, i could feel that i was off my game. i didn't do well. and due to that vibe i gave, no wonder my students were quiet too. i tried to no avail to get them to speak. what should i do??? i must admit, in terms of preparation the third round was not so thorough. i was just too tired. i couldn't take it. Ya Allah, please give me the strength to do this. make me strong. i want to be a good teacher.